As with all things in life, I look to find balance in a chaotic world. Being fit is hard work with all other things thrown at you. Before we made the choice to have kids I promised myself I would get fit. I would take the dog for a nice run, and come back and do a HIIT work out. And I looked great, and I felt great. I got pregnant the first month off of birth control, and then we had a miscarriage. And that was incredibly hard. Two months later we found out we were expecting Kamden. I ate healthy and because I worked as an Industrial Engineer, I spent a lot of time walking and on my feet. I gained 39 lbs, and gave birth to an almost 10 lb baby! I laugh when I see this picture of me 13 or 14 weeks pregnant and feeling HUGE. Oh how silly and self-absorbed was I?!
Three months later we found out we were expecting Grayson. I felt terrified, I didn’t think my body could do that again. I thought my body was gone forever. This time I ate Paleo, because I had done some research, and many women said they had an easier birth and recovery. This was important to me, because our first labor and delivery was scary, more difficult than it probably should have been, and the recovery was also a trying and terrifying time. This time I gained 29 lbs and gave birth to almost an 8 lb baby. I will say my labor and recovery were substantially easier, and I felt like I was up and running much quicker this time. Maybe that’s because I had a 1 year old to chase around
With both boys I felt like breast feeding helped immensely, but the second time around the weight felt different. And then a year later I learned about diastasis recti. I had a friend who is a PT check me, and sure enough, I had almost a 3 finger gap. I wish I would have known so many different things before having kids. Postparum care being one of them!
Now, here we are two years later, and I want my old self back. I don’t care if I look like a model. I don’t care if I look like what society deems to be thin enough or pretty enough, I just know I don’t feel good about how I look. And to me, that’s all that matters. The scale has never mattered.
So here I am on a journey to find what works for me as a mom of two toddler boys, who is also working on finishing her MBA, and possibly soon returning to work. It’s a lot on my plate, but I know I can do this. I have to, for myself, and myself only. I have already committed to two days of eating under my calorie intake for 21 Day Fix. I have exercised both days. And that’s all that matters to me. For months I have felt tired, and worn down. I think a lot of it has to do with the lack of exercise and the junk I eat. But I can’t and won’t diet. I will eat things that aren’t good for me. It’s all in moderation, and that’s what has been lacking in my life a lot.
I have given myself 120 days from now to retake pictures.